Give It Up

Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart."

     A young woman bent her knees and softly fell to the floor as tears began to spill.  "Lord, I'm done fighting.  I can't do this on my own."  She reached for the letter - the letter that would decide her baby's fate - and ripped it in half.  "I've tried to do this on my own for so long.  Giving myself to someone to try and fill this void.  He doesn't want this baby, Lord.  But, I just can't!  I can't turn my back and pretend like it never happened.  This baby deserves to be loved!"  As she felt her still small tummy, she caught a glimpse of a picture from last year's 4th of July Fireworks.  She and her boyfriend were holding hands.  They looked happy.  Hadn't he said he wanted to marry her?  But now, with a baby on the way, he wanted nothing to do with her unless she "took care of it".
     Church had been part of her life... until she met Eddy.  Going once in a while counted though, didn't it?  She remembered to pray at meal time... most of the time.  Wasn't that worth something?  When she did mess up and guilt consumed her, she always went to confession... but then it didn't seem quite so important after a while.  Anyhow, didn't the priest do something that made things right for her with God?  Hmmm...
     She looked up at the torn papers and closed her eyes.  As she had left Planned Parenthood that morning, she ran into a girl from school.  She barely knew the girl, but remembered seeing her at the prayer times held by the flagpole once a month.  Well, she used to go too...  The girl saw the tears that were filling her eyes and asked if she was okay.  Something broke and she confided in this girl right in the middle of the strip mall parking lot.  "You don't have to do this.  God loves this child already and I can see that you do too.  Would you like to come and speak with my pastor?  He'll be very confidential and I know he'll help you figure this out.  I can come too... if you want."  She just shook her head.  "No, confessing my sins won't do any good.  I've already tried that."  The girl rubbed her arm and smiled.  "I'm not talking about confessing.  That's between you and God.  But sometimes it helps if you can talk to someone who has already worked through these types of things with other people."  After a long pause she finally nodded.  "I guess it can't hurt."
     She never knew it could be like that.  The young woman sat up and leaned against her bed.  She dug around in her pocket until her fingers grasped what she was looking for.  After an hour of talking with the girl and her pastor, he had given her his card along with his wife's phone number written on it.  "Giving bits and pieces of myself to you is worthless, Lord.  I get that now.  I'm so sorry I walked away.  Please take me back.  I'm yours.  I'm done running."  For the first time in her life, she felt close to God.

Sometimes we can feel so alone.  But then, if we pick ourselves up, we realize that God was always there.   It was us who walked away.  One decision leads to another.  Each step seems so small and insignificant at the time.  But they aren't.  So, where will our decisions take us today?  I choose God.